ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
