Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
