we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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