I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
