I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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