she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
