Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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