Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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