So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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