I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
