so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
