my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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