We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
