Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
