I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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