My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
