you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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