it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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