it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
