don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
