now i know why i became what i already was.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
