apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You smell like stripper and shame
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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