We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
