Having a random hookup so left but love u
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
