u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
