Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
