I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
