I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
