I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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