there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
