He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
