The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
