do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
