Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
