When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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