We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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