A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
