whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
