people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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