its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
