Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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