I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
