she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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