I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
