i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
