My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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