dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
