you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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