Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
