yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
