Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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