dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
