The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
