I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Less talking, more tequila
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
