Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
