I'm laying in your front yard are you home
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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