Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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